happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think a kid would responsible me up
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
