dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
