So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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