i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
