he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
