My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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