handjob tips. give me some.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
