Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
