We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
