Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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