She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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