He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
