I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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