So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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