I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
