Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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