i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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