Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
