We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
