Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
