okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
