my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my sisters under your porch take her home
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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