I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
