So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
