dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
