plz talk dirty to me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
