why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
