My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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