A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I am morally bankrupt
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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