why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
