Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
