i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
