Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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