as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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