I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
