Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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