Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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