3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
