she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
