I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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