Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
