are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
