I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
