i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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