I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
