I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
