I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
