put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
