If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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