My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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