There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
