Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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