How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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